Tuesday - Passage to Poland

As part of further investigation into 'Arrogant man's' complaint, I had to phone the Head Underwriting Office. Unfortunately a number of our most basic functions have been outsourced to the newly EU'd up Eastern European neighbours to 'improve customer service' under the new macho, Leopard Project. - Why do these project sponsors give them such agressive titles. Do they believe that they're really spies working for MI6? A reality check is needed urgently -

I called the external number for our Manchester office, an 0870 number, given to customers so that they can be happy in the fact that they are charged to phone up and complain.

The phone was answered, I needed to speak to a woman called Emma who had apparently dealt with 'arrogant man' before matters had escalated to their current meltdown status and 'arrogant man' started worrying about God jumping the queue in front of him.

"Goodafternoon. Youarethroughto'Michael', IamacustomerservicesrepresentativeintheCustomerServicesdepartment. MayIhaveapolicynumberplease?" Said a heavily accented voice that sounded as if he was auditioning for a school play.

"I need to speak to Emma - Can you put me through to her?"

This obviously threw 'Michael'.

"I'm-sorry-may-I-have-your-policy-number-please?"

"It's not about a policy. I need to speak to Emma in the Head Underwriters,"

"I'm-sorry," Michael said. I hadn't stuck to the script and he couldn't handle it. "I-am-not-able-to-understand-your-request. Please-can-you-provide-me-with-a-policy-number-so-that-I-may-assist-you?

"My name is Luke Willshire from the Company Complaints team in ---. I'm trying to get through to the Manchester Head Underwriting. Am I through to Gdansk?"

'Michael' seemed to relax a bit more now. "Which-department-does-he-work-in?"

"Manchester Head Underwriting," I said patiently.

"Yes. In which department does he work?"

"Don't worry. I'll try sonething else," I told 'Michael'.

I rang off and phoned through to switchboard. These ladies knew everything. I had a sneaky suspicion that they were the real controllers of the company. I explained my dilemma and asked if they could transfer me to Manchester Head Underwriting.

The phone rang. Someone answered.

"Goodafternoonyouarethroughto'Simon'Iamacustomerservicesrepresentativeincustomerserviceshowmayihelpyou?"