Sue the temp - yes, she's still here - claimed that her PC was making a funny buzzing noise today. She was reluctant to sit at her desk in case the screen exploded and gave her a number of unwanted piercings.
Jez was on manoeuvres so I sat her in the Kate's old desk opposite Dan. For the rest of the afternoon, Sue battered Dan with a torrent of banal chatter about her dog, her mum and all of the accidents she keeps having. No wonder she was worried about the screen. She seemed to have taken a shine to Dan, much in the same way that a puppy likes to slobber over an old slipper. I phoned the helpdesk to get them to look into her buzzing PC.
Gary summoned me to his desk. "Anne's asked me to have a word with you," He said. I knew it must be bad because Anne always asked Gary to have a word when she was very, very, very, very angry and didn't want to do ten years for manslaughter.
"You raised an IT request a couple of weeks ago," Gary continued. I nodded. "The thing is, I, and Anne need to understand this IT request. And IT need to know who authorised it in this department."
"I authorised it. I've got departmental self-authorisation for up to £1000 spend. It's normal team leader authority level."
"But who gave you that authority?" Asked Gary.
"Anne did. She asked for it because she was fed up of having to authorise all IT requests herself."
"Ah. Right," Said Gary. "Anne wants to see all IT requests in future. Before you authorise them."
"So she wants to authorise them again?"
"No. You can still authorise them but Anne needs to see them first. And agree that they can be authorised."
Suddenly I understood what had happened. "This has all come about because of my complaints about IT not meeting with their service standards isn't it. Someone has started asking these questions to deflect attention away from their department and focus it on something completely inconsequential,"
"I don't know the ins and outs of the background of this," said Gary. "But Anne's asked that you don't do anything, or say anything, to anyone outside this department that may draw any sort of attention to us."
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Here's the facts:
1) Anne's a crappy boss for you and it doesn't sound like she's great for the company, either.
2) She doesn't want attention drawn to her operation. (What's she trying to hide?)
3) Anne's request was issued thru a third party, giving you some plausible deniability options. It's possible that something got lost in the translation between Anne and Gary or Gary and you. That lost meaning could be useful for you, I bet.
Things to consider:
1) A new boss could be worse than Anne.
2) When was the last time you updated your resume and passed it along to someone who could do some good with it?
3) What kind of unemployment benefits would you be eligible for?
4) Your employment at Dysfunctional, Inc. will end some day, in some manner. What ending would make the best story?
There's still an opportunity for sending cookies to the IT staff and notes to various supervisors. Of course, now, the note should probably include your surrender. You could congratulate them on their cleverness and their power and beg them not to darken Anne's door again.
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